Existentialism (The Ending)

As it was in the beginning it shall be in the end (I've always wanted to say that and this was the perfect opportunity). When I first started writing on this blog I wrote a bloggraph about what I thought Existentialism was and what little I knew about it. Almost in the blink of an eye, the end of the semester has gotten here and we only have one more class in the semester. However, existentially, we knew the end was coming from the very beginning, because of this, the class participated like every class was the last class (with the exception of myself), like every moment was worth living; which, existentially it is. I can honestly say that before the class I don't ever recall having any existential crisis and, if I did, I just didn't know that's what they were. But after taking the class, the number of existential crisis (how the devil do you pluralize that word) that I had increased dramatically. I soon found myself walking around campus discussing with myself everything that I "think" I wanted to do, but they were really only out of the socially constructed portion of myself that say "these things" are what should be done anyway. For instance, I "think" I know that I want to go to graduate school and eventually work as an administrator in the Higher Education System. However, as I am walking, I then begin to think about what I really want....which is probably, living life to the fullest, to be on a cruise out in the middle of the ocean with the sun shining bright on me. But I know that if everyone lived to do exactly what they wanted then I start to question what would actually be able to get done....what if the captain of the ship that I want to cruise on doesn't want to be a captain...then I can't cruise. I am left to not only understand that my death is only mine, but may be the only thing that I will be able to look forward to. Now that I think about it, everything else that I look forward to, I look forward to it, and then it's over. If I know I am going to die...I might as well look forward to it and know that nothing else comes after. The knowing of the coming of death doesn't really cause too much anxiety. For those people that it does cause anxiety for I feel as if they haven't come to terms with it. I really enjoyed the class though. It was truly and eye opener. I had a many a brain ooozing out of my head moments but that's a good thing because it caused my brain to think, and to try and understand, and forced it to wrap itself around ideas that it had never been exposed to.